Preamble

So, I am going to learn Mandarin. That’s what this blog is about. By the way – I know ‘Gaijin’ isn'’t Mandarin. It’'s Japanese. This is my problem -- I don't know any cool words in Mandarin. If I did, you know, I'd learn something else.

Why Mandarin:

a) It'’s the language of the world’s next superpower and I don’'t speak Bush so I figured I’'d try to get ahead of the curve.

b)It’'s been a while since I’'ve learnt a new language and a few of my friends come from Taiwan and the PRC.

q) I’'m tired of getting the Westerner’s cart at Dim Sum.

7- I am secretly hoping to meet a Chinese beauty who will whisk me away and teach me Tai Chi on the foothills of Northern China. (There’'s always a love story somewhere if you look for it. Hopefully that will string you along even if you don'’t care much about my continuing education.)

I already speak English and French. Which might be useful if I was learning Italian. I also pretend to speak Spanish. That won’t be much help either. Apparently Mandarin is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn. I console myself with the fact that I won’'t really be learning Mandarin. Not to begin with. They've invented a simpler language that you learn first. I'’m not sure what it’s called.

French teachers did the same thing. They called it English.

When you get good at that easy version you switch over to the real thing. At least with Mandarin. I’'m not sure people still bother with French, which is too bad.

This is my introduction, my preamble. Things don'’t actually get started until Saturday. In the meantime, some background. I’'m 26, white, male, and need a shave. I live in a glass forest sprouting off the backside of downtown Vancouver. My brain floats delicately in a bath of vitamins and minerals derived from air, earth and music collected in Montreal. My hometown. Sometimes the people around me think that I'’ve lost the plot, but it’'s just that I’'ve popped into my head for a sec to re-energize in the mineral bath. I always come back out again. Even if it is raining. Which is often in Vancouver.

The class lasts for eight weeks. Three hours a week. It's a good thing they're just trying to teach me the easy version. My goal is to know enough conversational Mandarin to diffuse a major political crisis (in a pinch, no pirouettes here, but surely I could do better than Kennedy) or to be able make enough of a fool of myself, should I fall in love, that plan number 7 [outlined above] begins to unfold. Ok I should be specific here:

I’'m really just hoping to get a chance to meet Zhang Ziyi.
I’'ll let you know how it goes.
~@~